Masturbating Bathtub Ghost Caught on Film

I think I finally know what Ray Parker, Jr. meant when he sang, “Bustin’ makes me feel good!”

This past Saturday night, while investigating the Murdock-Whitney House in Winchendon, Massachusetts, we caught footage of what we believe is a spirit, sprawled out in an old bathtub. While we were investigating him, it appears he was also investigating himself.

He was…how can I put this delicately?

He was spiking his own meter. He was manifesting his own orbs and light rod. He was exorcising his ectoplasm. He was analyzing his own E-V-pee-pee.

Yes, we caught footage of a ghost…umm…masturbating.

This video was captured with an SLS system, which maps human movement in the form of a stick figure. Crystal was roaming around the basement of the Murdock-Whitney House, using her SLS camera to look for potential spirits. Earlier in the night, we had captured a suspected spirit playing musical instruments on the first floor. But in the basement, we were originally trying to see if there was an entity jumping on a ramp, because we had heard the distinctive sound of someone walking up the plywood board earlier in the evening.

While the camera originally mapped someone standing next to the ramp, it eventually disappeared. Crystal shifted the camera toward an old clawfoot tub that was just a few feet away. Jessica and I stood behind her, watching Crystal’s camera as Jessica broadcast it over Facebook Live.

After a few moments, a figure appeared in the tub. It appeared to be all splayed out, enjoying a bath. Another figure occasionally popped in next to it, perhaps washing the one in the tub.

But then, about 4:50 in, something weird begins to happen (I mean, weirder than mapping a human that doesn’t appear to be there). The figure starts moving its left hand toward its lap, gingerly at first, almost as if it is trying to get away with something. Then, after a few moments, the hand stays in the lap, and begins moving up and down. Vigorously. At just about the perfect level to be touching his own little proton pack.

He keeps going at it, off and on, until finally just deciding to use both hands and just have at it. He even crosses and uncrosses his legs, and shifts them open a little wider at one point, perhaps for better leverage.

Just don’t cross the streams, dude.

After a few moments, he seems to have ghostbusted his nut, because he just disappears.

Well, at least he didn’t slime me.